she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
