I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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