so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize