Define "chronic" masturbator.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
