the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
