she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
