We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize