good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
