so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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