who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
