I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
