Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
