What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize