So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
