she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize