This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
