I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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