for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
