They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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