The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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