I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
