Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
