As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this just has baby written all over it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
