Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
