It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I cut my penus on the lid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
