So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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