Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
