you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
