hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
