It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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