He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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