He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
