is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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