i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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