I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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