did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
