he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
