Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
