where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
