Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize