my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
