I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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