I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
