I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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