Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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