i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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