when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
