I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
