Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
