You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
