Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
