remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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