I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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