Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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