My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
