somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
