Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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