remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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