this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
