i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im holly from the hills drunk
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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