i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
