smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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