I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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