Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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