I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
