What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
