found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
