I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
