Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
