oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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