I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
