ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
