i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
