somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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