Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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