i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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