I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize