Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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