butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
