the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize