Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
