Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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