that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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