Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
