sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
