I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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