How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
