a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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