omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
