At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
