Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize