How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
