Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
