i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
