You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Shame - the story of my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
