If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
