walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
