we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
