What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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