so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
