The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
3pm strippers are depressing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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