You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
