Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize