God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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