When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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