I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
