Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
