Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
