I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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