it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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