If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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