Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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