Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
