My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize