no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
