he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
