update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
