Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
