Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
