some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
