just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
