ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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